For Girls Like Us

Gemma Aitchison is founder of YES Matters UK that supports children and young people who have suffered sexual abuse and exploitation. She also campaigns and works to prevent VAWG and improve victim rehabilitation including the compulsory PSHE curriculum and CSE Prevention Policy.

Gemma writes:

My mother died on Wednesday. As a survivor of CSEA and given that over 80% of perpetrators of CSEA are family members and family friends I figured my complex struggles around this are not unique. One that women who are survivors will relate to. It's a poem about that.

For Girls Like Us

It's complicated
For girls like us.
Family get togethers...
Because statistically it's gonna be the family
Or a family friend
That hurt us.
And statistically our family
Pick them and not us.

Because that's how it works.
They groom around the target
Before they go for the child.
Plant the seeds that you can't believe anything she says
She's always exaggerating and
She loves attention
When you know
She wished to God she could have escaped yours.

They stop being your family
But expect you to still behave like theirs.

They expect your attendance
And gifts and cards.
They expect you to look nice
But not too nice
Attention seeking again..
You will stand and smile for the photo
Next to your abuser
And you will help with the buffet
Dishing nothing they deserve
To each adult who failed to protect you
And put the blame at your feet instead.

You will know that you are not loved.
Or wanted.
Or cared about.
And you will see them show those things to each other
In abundance
And in front of your face.
But don't you dare notice.

And so when the time comes for you to go to the family funeral
Of someone who did not love you,
Did not protect you
Did not choose you
They all come with their expectations
Being there for each other but not for you.
She was your mother, none of that matters now.
As if it ever mattered to them.

And so as you think of her last moments
And the moments before him
You grieve her.
But you can't forget what she did to protect him
What they do still now
And that you are still the one alone.
Even now he takes your family from you.
Has he not taken enough.
And so you will stand at the graveside
And you will behave
The way you were groomed to
Grieving more than is safe to voice.