Out of the Shadows Training with Kendra Houseman
In this interview, Kendra Houseman, founder and owner of Out of the Shadows, talks about her work, the impact of attending FiLiA, and her FiLiA Legacy Project training sessions educating on gangs, exploitation, county lines and safeguarding.
I remember where we met - at FiLiA2018. You owned the stage - what do you remember about that experience?
Kendra Houseman
For me, FiLiA was having a very private and personal self-discovery moment in a very public place. I literally realised that I was a feminist on stage in front of hundreds of women. Someone said the other day, who was at that conference, that you could see the realisation as I stood with the microphone on stage.
I come to FiLiA to tell people that I was not a feminist. I do not know why, and it was not with any malice. It was more…I respect what people are doing but I am not like that. I am just a woman doing what she does.
I walked through the doors the first morning and within minutes felt as if my whole life had been a lie. I sat down for the first talker and within an hour I was sitting in the crowd, mouth open wide and turning to people saying things like “They do that to us because we are women?”. It was like being in a room with a thousand women who got me. Each one.
And then this emotion washed over me. The only way I can explain it is that I felt like I had been in prison but did not know. Like…I thought we all had chains on our legs. And then I could see all these women talking on the stages about things I had been keeping secret in my head…. wow…I sort of laughed and cried for a while.
Then all of a sudden I had to go on stage. I remember Fiona Broadfoot, who I had known for about 10 minutes looking at me at and saying “Oh…you need a hug” and just grabbing me. She whispered in my ear “Just go out there and fucking tell them who you are” … and then we were sitting on stage on our panel…me, Fiona and Zoe and it was like a bad dream. I was sitting there just looking out at this packed venue of women and I had just gone through some of the most emotional few hours of my life. All I wanted was to go home, have a cry, eat lots of chocolate and sleep. Fiona, who was presenting, then said my name and my logo was on the big screen.
If you are reading this and you were there you will remember that I kind of wandered onto the stage and stood there. Like a kid at a school play who had forgotten her lines. I think I had lost my shoes at this point…. had this sharp suite on…but had taken my shoes off to ground myself and then forgotten them when I went on stage. I had been so ready for my section. Had prepared for weeks. It started with…” Thank you for having me and today I will talk about how you can make a change for women without being a feminist” ….
All gone.
And if you were there you will remember that I picked up the mic…told the room that I had planned to say that. Then told everyone that something had happened today. Something I was not prepared for.
I said that today I have found out I am a feminist: A radical, free-thinking, fully raging feminist
And the crowd went mad. People were standing and cheering, clapping. Then I delivered my story. I told people about my journey. When I had finished, I turned to the crowd and said…. well…that is me.
Every single woman I could see was on their feet clapping. Hundreds of women standing, clapping, whistling, shouting…. for me. For my story. For us. For the survivors. The women. The girls.
Like I said…a very private experience in a very public arena.
The FiLiA conference takes part in a different city each year, and we were very fortunate to be offered funding to support our local community engagement. The issue of county lines and gangs kept coming up in our local conversations, which is why it felt important to bring you in. Can you tell me why you set up Out of the Shadows and what your aims are?
Out of the Shadows was started to give people a voice. I wanted the voice of the child to be part of training and consultancy within child protection and so that was the best way for me to do it at the time.
Many professionals believe they understand county lines, exploitation, and gangs. But and let’s all be honest, most professionals understand this stuff through academic learning and training. And much of that training is delivered by…yep…professionals who learned through academic study.
We offer something unique. We bring all the academia; we bring all the facts. But we also bring you the information through the eyes of the child. Who cares what county lines looks like for us the adults. Not me. I wanted people to understand the social fields that these children must navigate, I wanted to offer Quality Assurance to organisations to ensure their safeguarding and training is at the highest lever.
“Thank you for this training, so very informative! Respect to Kendra, what an amazing woman!.”
Our aim is to ensure that as many people as possible are educated about all these subjects from a child’s point of view, to ensure that organisation are operating at the best they can, and to create a better world for my daughter.
This was the first time you've held your sessions online - the feedback was very positive - how did it feel for you?
It felt amazing. Delivering online was nothing like face to face. You have to try to engage the crowd on a whole different level. You can’t see people’s faces and such and so you don’t know when to slow down or add more. But I worked hard to develop relationships with people in the group and I loved every single session.
“Full on, down to earth realistic”
“Informative, interesting - a passionate trainer.”
Tell me something about the positive outcomes you've had with the kids you work with?
Wow. That’s a big question. I have worked with hundreds…maybe thousands of children and young people over the years and I hope I had positive outcome for at least one of them. I would take that. If my work made one child’s life better, I would happily go to my grave with that.
But if you want me to talk about one, then it would always be Angel. The first time I knew anything of her is when I was shown a video of her, on her knees with a gun in her mouth begging for her life. She hated me when we first actually met, I would try and talk to her about school and she would tell me she didn’t need that as she was going to continue to be a drug dealer when she was grown. Each time she started talking like that I would start talking about Uni. We have had some rows me and her…my goodness. She is now in 6th form. Deciding if she will go to uni and be a solicitor or become an actress. She walks different. Head high. She is my child. Not by blood. But by love and respect, she is my child.
What are your future plans for Out of the Shadows?
The future is to make Out of the Shadows part of everyone’s practice, through Quality Assurance, consultancy, and training, we hope to bring everyone up to speed in understanding child protection issues through the eyes of a child. We are here to make change…know that!
Where can people find out more about your work?
Ohh I can write you a menu lol
Our website is a good place to start www.outofthe-shadows.co.uk
My blog, is the best place to come if you want to know about me. My blog is a mixture of rants, call outs and my history; my blog is my therapy.
And then Blondy’s people is something people need to listen too. You can watch the introduction here.
All the videos are being turned into audio and uploaded to Spotify as we speak. Blondy’s people is a place you will find a wealth of knowledge about how to work with children who have complex cases and covers hard-hitting stuff. We even have Sally Jaxson educating us on feminism.