What Men Need To Do

By Gemma Aitchison

Yesterday on Facebook, I came across yet another article about yet another "isolated incident" of male violence. We seem to have a real problem when it comes to naming this consistent problem around our world: Men doing violent things. 

When it comes to rape, it's the skirts, it's not leaving that causes domestic homicide, not talking to strangers is why child sexual abuse happens - the list of excuses is endless. 

Anything but blame men for the things men do. The things they have done 95% of the time, in every country and every century. Over and over and over again.

The latest thing is to blame women afraid of male violence for the threats against trans people despite the fact that men in fact kill both of them.

Men line up feeling qualified to tell us what we need to do. Women need to be nice, take it as a joke, let them down nicely but make sure you're clear, don't be a tease or a slut, and above all, don't dare to notice the things men have been doing to you for millennia.

"I don't like it when you talk about the things I do to you" is what not all men is actually about. Accountability and responsibility is something they seem allergic to...

Unless, of course, it comes to taking responsibility for our governments, religions, and corporations. Here men have no problem asserting that they are and should be responsible for these institutions.

YES, gender stereotypes are at the heart of this, with a lack of emotional regulation skills for men and the sexual objectification of women and girls. But both are suddenly labelled empowering and progressive, meaning we have literally gone backwards in addressing them.

My response on Facebook was to say that men need to sort themselves out - a comment for which I have a seven-day ban. But that is the reality of the situation we refuse to accept: Men need to sort themselves out. Kids don't need to be more resilient or less trusting. Women changing their outfits won't make a difference. Politicians claiming to care about violence against women and girls (as yet another name is added to the list of the dead) will last as long as the next headline.

What needs to change is men.

And whether Facebook likes it or not, our community standards won't improve until they do.

Gemma Aitchison is a FiLiA Volunteer and the founder of Yes Matters, an organisation committed to empowering young people to reject gender stereotypes and have respect, consent, good mental health, and healthy relationships with themselves as well as others. They support and advocate for victims and are committed to working with the community for the good of young people. YES Matters UK has won multiple awards including:

- WIN Award for the Protection of Women and Girls Rights 2016
- Emma Humphreys Memorial Prize 2017
- Women of the Year Award 2017
- BAH Star of the Community Nominee 2018
- Northern Power Women Person with Purpose Nominee 2019